I love this space, contained so much of my emotions, the other side of me that i never show to the public, the other side of me that makes me feel so much inferior to be around people. I love this space, i have gone through so much with her, so much pain and laughter, so much memories that i wouldn't have the heart to delete them. Everyone has their past, i have my past, crazy one i will say, how brave i am in confronting obstacles and how strong am i to withstand so many of them. So far, i am really proud of myself.
It is so hard to say goodbye, so hard to farewell, so hard to leave this space empty without me even logging in, but, i have decided to move on, to really let things down my shoulder and away from my heart, i choose to go away, to not viewed not see no- more- previous page anymore.
I was in love, so crazily in loved, that i expose my heart to that unprotected area and let it bleed from so much pain, and still, carry on with that. That one day that when i let down my first love, i spent the whole day eating ice cream and cried my lung out at home, probably locked myself out from about a week, and still cry a little bit for , half a year? It was so difficult, so hard to cope and so hard to believe.
I grew up now, and moved on. So much things that do not worth a looking back anymore. So much things that i have decided to left behind.
So i move to deeecupps.com.
Its gonna be a new chapter of my life, a better one, i hope. :)
Haan gave me a bouquet of flower on new year. :)
Thanks for the wonderful 4 years, xanga, you have been a great grandpa. :)
So sorry for not updating here anymore, the piles of assignments and everything. Ya i know its an excuse and this and that but I am totally overwhelmed with all the readings and researching, codes and java, I am seriously considering dropping all the subjects.
So, the domain hasnt been launched yet, because it is really ugly without customizing it. I have to squeeze my brain juice for two website design now, especially the one needs hand coding without dreamweaver is totally driving me crazyyyyy! I would rather use apply my brain juices on my distinction than wasting my parent money designing my own domain right? right? RIGHT?!
2000 words of essay,
Information website design with dreamweaver,
hand-code a music webpage,
and photography assignment require all sorts of shit. Concepts, layout, sketches, and EVERYTHING.
and another online examination on 2nd of Nov.
Oh wait, did i tell that that all of the assignments above are due on the same day?
I almost couldn't believe what is in the photo and how human behave like this nowadays. and I wouldn't even want to imagine what the little puppy was feeling at that very moment. The feelings of dying and disappointment and confusion on why is he being treated that way, I guess he doesn't have any idea on why is he being treated like this.
Those angry eyes and disappointed broken heart and the breath that he(lets just assume is a he) hardly catch to survive and the legs that being forced to stop struggle. I bet he is tired of struggling and finally realize that the more the struggle, the more he is suffocated.
He is just a little adorable puppy, and i believe he is a little husky with that shiny angry blue eyes while dropping tears. I am sorry i couldn't help to make you feel any better little puppy, I am sorry that we treated you this way and there is nothing you did that make us angry. It is just us, being unreasonable selfish, and the desire to make us feel superior and in control. I am so sorry.
I saw this picture from john's profile, and my heart just stop beating for a second. My mind was shocked, like the time when I saw this horrible bitch throwing puppies into the river while her friend are laughing behind the camera while filming it. I was so angry, and still angry on how are they brought up this way. Why? Why are you guys behaving like this?
I have several dogs at home, and if one of them is sick, i will have no hesitation to take the next jet plane home to see them. I have lost one dog, due the my stupidness by neglecting the vaccination procedure, and i couldn't even forgive myself till now. The pain of losing my little puppy was unbearable, it's like losing a part of my world and I am the one who kill her. I had my appendix operation that very day when she was put to sleep, my family cried for her, but i cant. The pain on my wound restrict me to stretch but I couldn't hold myself. And that's the what i been through in losing a puppy.
AND NOW, THREE OF YOU ARE KILLING HIM(including the camera man), DO YOU HAVE ANY SENSE, integrity, or RATIONALITY ON WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! Where is your freaking heart? Where is the love? I will blame it all on you, there is obviously not the puppy's fault. Even if they pee on the carpet, on your assignment that is due tomorrow, eat your muffin or anything, they don't deserve to be hang like this.
And the smile on your face, it disgust me to the max, and how do you explain the middle finger? Satisfaction? Proving that you are stronger and finally you took over the world and decided its time to put it on our face? Or finally you that is how you feel superior by hanging this little poor husky up in the air, is that's the best you can do to make yourself feel this way? My ultimate sympathy, oh wait, three of you, don't deserve any sympathy like this. Not from me, not from anyone of us. You know what you deserve? Read on.
I swear to god, if there is no law in the world, and i have the strength to take three of you down on my own, I will cut thousand of big wounds all over you, and pour millions of fire ants and salt on top of you and then, i will hand you up like this, and see if you are happy with it. This is obviously an cruel act, and there is nothing you can do for me to forgive you.
If you can read, little puppy, I am sorry again for you being treated like this by human, by the immoral group of us. I am being totally bias in this post because there are not even a point to prove these three bastards right.
I couldn't hold my tears back while writing this, wondering what has the world turning into and where are all the humanity education. Don't you have any sense in your head while you put string around his neck that possibly killed him? Don't you ever care about what is he gonna feel, and how is he going to be afraid of human? He is just a few months old puppy for God sake!
I am speechless on how they behave like this, and how angry and so much of hatred on the little puppy eyes, and if I am there, i will definitely do whatever it takes to save you, this i promise.
I really hope there is some justice out there, to prove to youngster like us that you guys exist. Justice are getting weak and weaker, and I almost lost hope to that. Please do something? Pick up the damn responsibility!
And now, I will see what can i do. You guys too, let just see what WE can do.
I have decided not to import any memory from aphrodite_live_her xanga site anymore,
I guess some part of the memory are suppose to put down on the right time on where it ended,
some, are just gonna continue the journey without holding onto it anymore.
It was beautiful, heart-wretch and too heavy to let go,
but, its time, i guess.
Its time to take a step ahead,
it’s about time to lock the deepest corner of my heart on where it belongs.
I would never forget them, but, to decided to put them into the silence.
It is like looking into the mirror while i browsed through all the entries i been through, some are tough, some are the happiest moment in my life. I could look at those saddest eyes of mine and remember all the pain i put myself through; and also the people around me that put a wide smile back on my face.
Those crazy moments, flashing vividly one by one through my mind, I guess it is about time to grow up, move on, and start a whole new chapter of my life.